The Next Class in Life: Job Hunting 101

By Sabrina Bong – One of the sixth grade students I am working with recently asked me if I could stay until she graduates from middle school.

At first, we both laughed about it. Then, she said seriously, “Miss Bong, I really want you to stay. What will I do next year?”

Ironically, that’s the same question I have been asking myself: What will I be doing next school year? Even though my internships have prepared me well for my future job, there are still so many things that are uncertain. How should I react when a specific situation occurs? What is the best course of action for dealing with angry parents who refuse to listen? Will I enjoy the school I am at? But the biggest question of all is: Where will I be working?

Job interviews are always stressful, and part of that is because of all the uncertainty that comes with the interview. You don’t know what the other person is thinking, or what your competition brought to the table. However, there are always things you can do to portray yourself in a brighter light. Though I am by no means a veteran at job interviews, I’ve prepared a few handy tips for those of you embarking on the job search. Hopefully they are helpful!

1. Buy cardstock to print your resume on. This is what one of my professors told me, and it’s really handy advice. The cardstock is sturdier and actually gives the printing more definition. Also, when buying cardstock, choose a white or slightly off-white color. Avoid bright neon colors.
2. Ask about parking accommodations and directions immediately. When someone calls to inform you about your interview, feel free to ask for directions. The person you are speaking with probably knows what areas are under construction, or any detours that might confuse you. Also, be sure to ask where you can park and how to get there. One of the places I interviewed with had a parking lot that adjoined to the high school one. I spent almost 10 minutes (and was almost late for my interview) just looking for the entrance to the parking lot!
3. Have a folder specifically for your resumes and letters of recommendation. It looks so much better pulling out one set folder and giving those items to your interviewers, versus digging through your bag trying to remember which folder you put them in.
4. Be polite to everyone you meet. This probably goes without saying, but remember that everyone you encounter is assessing you. I once saw a girl who was incredibly nice to her interviewers, but was horribly rude to the secretary who asked her to sign in and pick up her visitor’s badge. This gives off a very negative impression, and probably will not lead to a second interview.
5. Research. I know that once we are done with school, the last thing we want to talk about is the dreaded “r” word. But researching the place you are interviewing with is incredibly helpful. This way, when your interviewers mention a specific aspect of their district or company, you can respond with how much you know! It’s flattering to your interviewers, since you took the time to get to know the place you are interviewing with, but also shows how you are interested in that place at a very individual level.

Happy job hunting!

The Power of Personal Experience

By Sabrina Bong – At the middle school last week, one of my students came to me and said that she had just failed a quiz in music theory.

She explained that she was confused when her teacher tried to explain the different notes on a scale and where they fell on a staff. After drawing out examples, my student asked if we could go into the music room and have me explain everything using the piano. Once we received permission, we went into the music room and we talked about the different piano keys, where all of them were on a staff, and how many beats each note counted as.

After a few minutes of this, my student said, “Miss Bong, do you know how to play the piano?”

I responded that I did take piano lessons for a long time when I was in elementary and high school, and that I had struggled with music theory as well. My student smiled and said, “Play something.” So I played “Let It Be” on the piano.

After that, two things happened: one, my student said she had no idea who the Beatles were (doesn’t that make me feel old!) and two, she said, “Wow, Miss Bong, you’re kinda cool. I didn’t know you could do that! Maybe I’ll learn how to do that too. And you said you didn’t like music theory.”

Whenever I work with my students, I do my best to keep my personal life out of my counseling life. There are times when it overlaps, like when a student goes out to dinner with their family and sees me three tables over. Or maybe they run into me when I’m at the mall. But for the most part, I try not to do a lot of revealing about my family, friends, and personal relationships.

However, I’ve seen how much revealing can do, when used in moderation. Simply telling my student that I too struggled with music theory allowed her to open up to me about her situation. She knew that I wouldn’t judge her, or laugh at her, or make her feel silly. And then having her see me play the piano seemed to reassure her that she was okay. She may not have done well on her one quiz, but this did not mean that she would be completely unable to do well in music. Despite my struggles, I still learned how to play the piano. It seemed like I was giving her hope.

I am still leery at times to reveal personal things about myself, but now I’ve realized that it can really help build a counseling relationship when it’s used appropriately. I see now that it’s okay for me to tell students that I struggled with math when I was in elementary school, or that I sometimes fought with my middle school friends. All it does is help the students realize that once upon a time, I really was in their shoes. I’d walked that road before. But now, it’s my turn to help navigate.

New Semester Means New Beginnings

By Sabrina Bong – The past few weeks have been filled with firsts.

I had my first class of my last semester a few days ago. I was asked, for the first time, to stand up in a wedding. And, the best first of all – I had my first day at both the elementary and middle schools.

In order to fulfill my internship requirements and obtain my license, two things need to happen.

The first thing is that I need to pass the Praxis II, which ensures state licensure (I am scared to death about this test!) The second thing is that I need to complete 600 hours of internship in the schools. Usually, it is 200 hours at a high school, 200 at an elementary school, 100 in a middle school, and then 100 hours of flex time, which you can use at whichever school you choose. I had completed 300 hours at the high school level, so it was time for me to start my elementary and middle school experiences.

So far, I have really enjoyed my time at each of the schools. I was surprised that I fell in love with the elementary school so easily. Unlike high school counseling, elementary school is much more focused on teaching. My supervisor, Bridget, and I are in the classroom about five hours a day. At first, I was a little unsure about all the teaching; after all, I chose not to get an undergraduate degree in elementary or secondary education because I was worried about my ability to really teach students. However, I have found that I really enjoy it!

The students are all eager to learn, and they have really welcomed me into their classrooms. This past Thursday, I had the opportunity to teach the classroom lessons by myself, which was exhilarating. The kids were great and very helpful! The hardest part about elementary so far is learning all 200 students’ names; at least they are all patient!

My middle school experience is also going well so far. I have been able to sit in on a few individual planning conferences and have enjoyed seeing the difference between the middle and the high school in terms of information shared at these meetings. I have also had the chance to meet with a few students individually. Just like at the elementary school, the students have been very welcoming and helpful. The staff is also phenomenal at the middle school. As much as I enjoy the middle school, I do struggle with relating to some of the students I work with. Middle school, for me, feels like it was such a long time ago, and I really need to work on putting myself in their shoes.

I am very excited for all of the new experiences these schools have to offer. I will be meeting new students, helping write curriculum, and may even get the chance to run a few small groups. Even though I miss the relationships I built with the high school, I am looking forward to meeting new people, forming new bonds, and absorbing all the information I can before graduation in May!

Wisdom from “The Big Guy”

By Sabrina Bong – Happy Holidays, everyone! Hope your 2013 has gotten off to a great start.

I was recently reflecting on my journey through graduate school and how I got to this point in my life. Though I can point to several influential people who have helped me get this far – my parents, my teachers, my counselors, my friends – there is one person who really stands out. And even though he is gone, he has still found a way to teach me about giving back and the importance of integrity.

I first met Dick Burke – “The Big Guy” – when I arrived at Marquette for my scholarship interview. I was nervous about meeting him; his bio on the website had mentioned that he was the president of Trek Corp. But the minute we sat down and began the interview, I found that it was incredibly easy to talk to Dick. He cracked a few jokes to start the interview off, which put me at ease. Soon, I was speaking to him as I would a friend. Sadly, Dick died a year later in March of 2008. To this day, I am so incredibly thankful that I was able to meet him and be a part of a program that bears his name.

Though I still call myself a Burke Scholar, it had been a while since I had actively thought about the program. That is, until my mom handed me a Christmas present this year. The label said it was from “Mom, Dad, and ‘The Big Guy.’” At first, I thought my mom was jokingly saying that Santa had had a hand in my present. But when I opened it, I saw that it was a book entitled “One Last Great Thing” by John Burke. As I flipped through the pages, I saw that the book was about Dick Burke and his life and legacy. Eagerly, I began reading.

While I loved all of the anecdotes and lessons that John infused throughout the entire book, none had quite the same impact as the lessons written in the epilogue. He had written about ten lessons that he thought were crucial to remember, some of which include following your dreams and to never stop learning. As I read through these lessons, they made me think about the students I counsel and the advice I give. If I had to boil down all of the advice I have given as a counseling intern, I’m sure I would arrive at ten very similar suggestions. These lessons teach us the importance of integrity and honesty, of being accountable to others, and believing in dreams. It is my personal belief that counselors should help students embrace these ideas and help them strive to be the best individual they can be. I also think that these lessons serve as a great reminder to me as a future counselor and how I live my life.

To me, the best part is that this book is not about dying, even though much of it revolves around Dick’s death. Instead, it is a book about living. It is a book about integrity. It is a book about a person who truly believed in the good of every human being he encountered. If there is a book I think everyone should have a copy of, this is it. In addition, buying the book will help out a great cause; John wrote that any profits he receives will be donated to charity.

If you are interested in reading “One Last Great Thing”, you can find it on Amazon (if you are a Kindle user) or you can order it through Barnes and Noble.

Learning How to Say Goodbye

By Sabrina Bong – When I was four, my family purchased a new stove.

It was a necessary item; the old stove had started smoking at various intervals and the burners weren’t heating up as well as they should have been. But I was so distraught when the day came to throw out the old stove, that I made my parents take a picture of me with it. For some reason, saying good-bye to that broken appliance that day seemed like the end of the world.

This was probably the first incident that made me realize how much I hate saying good-bye. To me, saying good-bye is the absolute end. It’s as if the people I say good-bye to will never cross my path again. It is sad knowing that the interactions and relationships I have had so far may slowly fade.

This week has been a little difficult for me, since it is my last week at Nathan Hale. Though I am incredibly confident in my fellow intern, Heather, a part of me is still sad that I will not be there every day to meet with my students, chat with them, help them overcome their struggles, and celebrate in their triumphs. While I am very excited to be interning at one of the elementary and one of the middle schools, I will miss the people I have spent the last year working with.

I am incredibly thankful for the administration and staff at Nathan Hale, especially all five of the counselors who welcomed me and treated me like one of their own. They ensured that I got the opportunity to experience every aspect of being a counselor, from meeting with students, to being involved with crisis situations. The principal, assistant principals, and the dean of students were also instrumental in my learning at Hale. Whether it was making sure that I received student data that we discussed at meetings, or asking my opinion on a memo to parents, I was involved in so many aspects.

I am also thankful to all of the students I worked with. They pushed me to be a better counselor and were very open to sharing their problems with an intern. I hope that they continue to work hard and succeed, even when I’m no longer there. I have a lot of faith in them; I’m sure they will be fine.

One of my students shared her last bit of wisdom with me earlier this week. She said she was a little sad to see me go, since she enjoys coming into my office and chatting with me. I admitted that I was sad as well, but that she would do fine without me. As she left, I told her good-bye. She turned around and shook her head.

“Ms. Bong, we don’t say good-bye,” she said. “We say ‘til later’ or ‘see you later.’ This way, we’re not closing any doors. We’re not making this final. This isn’t the end of anything. It’s just … a temporary break. So, I’ll see you around.”

I’m taking her advice and not saying good-bye. Instead, I’ll see you later, Nathan Hale. Thanks for making the beginning of my internship experience a memorable one.

10 Signs You’re A Good Counselor

By Sabrina Bong – This past weekend, one of my former roommates gave me a giant jar of Tootsie Rolls as my Secret Santa present.

At first, I was really confused, but her note explained it all.

When I was a high school student, my counselor had a big jar of candy in her office. I always thought that she was an awesome counselor because she had candy every time I saw her. So, I’m giving this to you, since I know you’ll be a great counselor to your students!

The timing was impeccable. A few weeks ago, I had gotten into a conversation with a few of my students about what makes a good counselor. They told me that I was great, but that I needed to learn some things before I went off to a different school and got a job. It was interesting to see how they combined their experience in high school with personal thoughts and ideas!

As they mentioned different items, I wrote them down. As the day went on, any student that came in to chat with me had the opportunity to say what they thought made someone a good counselor.  I compiled a list of 10 different suggestions the students had for me. I think anyone interested in counseling would be curious to see what high school students said and their explanations for their points. After all, some of us may find ourselves in high schools!

So, what makes someone a good counselor?

1. A good counselor always has candy at his/her desk. If you want more students in your office, have a lot of candy. And make sure there’s a lot of variety. (Fun fact: out of the 12 students I talked to, 10 of them mentioned candy. I guess this is an important thing!)
2. A good counselor is always patient and listens to everything the student has to say. When counselors offer suggestions before hearing the whole story, it’s really frustrating.
3. A good counselor always smiles! No one wants to talk to a grouchy counselor.
4.  A good counselor plays awesome music in his/her office. They shouldn’t play “old” music, like classical or stuff from the 50s. Unless they’re old, then it’s okay. (A fun note: when I asked them what they meant by “old,” they commented that anyone who did not know what an iPad was is considered old.)
5. A good counselor has things to play with at his/her desk, like knick knacks. Having something to play with makes it easier to talk.
6. A good counselor never judges the student. They shouldn’t believe everything the student says, but they should believe most of it.
7. A good counselor is ready with relationship advice at all times.
8. A good counselor never tells someone what to do. Instead, they should suggest what would be a good option.
9. A good counselor should dress up for Spirit Days during Homecoming week. If they dress really silly, they will inspire others to as well!
10. A good counselor should only take you from the boring classes (I did tell this student that we would not take them from English, History, Science, or Math.)

Hope you enjoyed what my students came up with and maybe found a little inspiration for your counseling practice!

The Hardest Lesson to Learn: Dealing with Loss

By Sabrina Bong – Last Monday, I walked into my internship site only to hear devastating news: one of our 9^th grade students had died over fall break.

An announcement was read to each of the classes and immediately after, two of her best friends came to the counseling office sobbing. Throughout the day, we had students trickling into our offices: some crying, some shocked, some just needing a place to sit and connect their thoughts.

This was my first time working with grieving students, and I felt completely unprepared.

A few days later, one of the girl’s best friends came in and asked to speak with me. We sat down and she explained that she was having a really rough day. She had seen the obituary in the newspaper that morning and as she described it, “reality finally hit.” She told me that she had spent most of the morning crying and remembering their last moments together: laughing before class, passing notes in homeroom, hugging each other goodbye at the end of the day.

I then asked her to share with me what made her best friend so special, since I had never met her. My student talked about how she was the most loyal person in the world, that she would do anything for her family, and how she had the most contagious laugh in the world. She talked about how they would spend hours texting each other. She said that their teachers would always get frustrated because they couldn’t stop talking and laughing with each other.

After a few minutes, she fell silent, then said timidly, “I’m mad at her too. I miss her so much, but I’m mad at her. Why did she do this?”

I always felt as though counselors had the answers to everything, that their ideas and suggestions helped bring clarity to any situation. But this time, I couldn’t think of anything to say. I knew that nothing I said to answer the question would be helpful, nor would it bring her friend back. I ran through my head every possible thing I could say to diffuse the situation: “Remember that she is in a better place,” “Everything will be okay,” “I know this is hard for you.” But everything I thought of sounded cliché.

“I don’t know how to answer that question,” I finally told the student softly, “and I’m not sure what to say now. I want to tell you something that makes this easier, but I know that when you lose someone, you don’t want to hear they’re in a better place or that everything will be okay. Because in that moment, you find it really hard to believe that.”

It was quiet. For a minute, I thought that I had just been the worst counselor in the world. But finally, the student said, “Thanks Ms. Bong for being honest about not knowing what to say.”

Sometimes, we don’t need to have all the answers. Sometimes, we just need to be open to accepting the questions.

Rest in peace, Maddy. You will be forever missed.

Remembering the Little Things

By Sabrina Bong – At my internship site, we start every class with “Good Things.”

It’s a time when people can share exciting accomplishments or events in their life with the rest of their class: a fun weekend activity, a special event, a victory for their sports team. Everyone claps for all the good things their classmates mention, and then class begins.

I really love seeing the students’ faces light up when the counselors and teachers show interest, or when everyone applauds their good thing. Students will ask questions and praise the person speaking. When I think about a fun way to start class, “Good Things” is on the top of my list. It invites positive thinking and puts everyone in a good mood.

I was thinking about this as I sat on the phone, chatting with one of my friends. I was tired. I was stressed out about class. I was worried about one of my students, who expressed concern about a relative joining a gang. My friend let me rant for a while before simply asking, “That sucks. So what happened that was good?”

I was taken aback for a minute. I had seen my day as being so full of drama and chaos that I had forgotten to think about the good things. I considered this for a moment. Then, I told her about the fact that one of my students had put on her request sheet that she wanted to speak to me (and only me). I told her about the student who had given me a high-five in the hallway. I talked about the gorgeous sunrise I had seen in my rearview mirror as I drove to my internship site that morning.

None of these things were enormous events. They were just tiny things that had happened throughout the day that made me smile. But, for some reason, those happy moments had gotten buried under the stress and worry of the day’s events.

As grad students, we go through life at 90 miles an hour. We go to work, to internship, to class, to our homes to study. We stay up late and wake up early. And once we become full-fledged counselors, I’m sure it will be even more chaotic. We will have parents to talk to, clients to meet with, meetings to attend, and reports to write.

But does that mean we should stop enjoying the little things in life that make us smile? Of course not! I think they become even more important as we grow older and take on more responsibility. It is so easy to get caught up in life’s messy moments that we sometimes forget to look at the beauty and simplicity of those tiny, minute details.

On Pinterest, someone recently pinned the idea of a “grateful” journal. Every day of the year, the person is supposed to write down one thing that they are thankful for. I’ve been thinking about making my own. That way, at the end of those crazy days when I feel like nothing has gone right, I will be able to grab a glass of wine, kick off my high heels, and reflect on the aspects of my day that brought a smile to my face.

The Making of Heroes

By Sabrina Bong – What makes someone a hero?

While watching the news recently, I saw that it was Lieutenant Brian Murphy’s birthday. People from all different communities came out to see him and wish him well, thanking him for his service and praising his courage. Murphy, if you remember, was the first officer who responded to the Sikh temple shooting and risked his life to save others.

To me, and hundreds of others, Murphy is a true hero.

But I recently caught a glimpse of some more heroes. A few weeks ago, I found myself caught in a situation that made me feel overwhelmed and in way over my head. One student decided that life was too difficult and tried to end her life. However, she had second thoughts and immediately came to the counselors for help.

I was the initial person she told. I panicked, and immediately ran to get another counselor.

All of the counselors and administration reacted calmly. One counselor stayed with the student and me. One went to call the parent and inform him of the situation. The administration worked as a seamless team, organizing the easiest route for the paramedics and making sure the school’s staff was alerted. In the midst of all the chaos and adrenaline, I was in awe. Everyone was so calm and efficient. They knew exactly what to do.

I was still in overdrive and trying my hardest not to show my rising panic. This was my first real-life school crisis and I was terrified. At that point, I understood exactly what the older students had told me: It was one thing to learn about what to do in a bad situation; it was completely another thing to be in the middle of it.

Afterwards, my supervisor apologized unintentionally putting me in that position, and many of the counselors told me I did a great job. The counselor I had run to told me that I had helped save a student’s life and praised my actions.

It may be true that I had helped save her life, but I don’t believe I am a hero by any means. I may have helped, but I believe it was the counselors and administration that are the true heroes. They took charge of the situation and ensured that the student was safely taken to get medical attention.

This proves that there are other heroes too in this world, beyond the ones that we read about in comic books and see in movies. They are unsung heroes. They do not always get the public gratification. They do not ask for recognition. They simply go through the day, working to make sure the world is a safer place.

The situation at my school will never make the news. There will be no parades or days named in the staff’s honor. Days will go by and people will soon forget that the event occurred. But I know I won’t. For on that day, I caught a glimpse of true superheroes, dressed in everyday clothes, ready to make a difference in students’ lives.

The Responsibilities of Counseling

By Sabrina Bong – When I was younger, I dreaded the word “responsibility.”

Maybe it’s because that I always heard about it in a negative context: It was my “responsibility” to do my homework, clean my room, eat my vegetables, and clear the table after dinner. And as I moved on to high school, the importance of responsibility increased tenfold. Suddenly, responsibility was more than just eating my vegetables. It was applying to colleges, scholarships, financial aid, and taking rigorous college-prep classes to ensure that I was ready for the next chapter of my life.

Needless to say, by the time I graduated high school, I was more afraid of responsibility than anything else. And the quote from Spiderman – “With great power comes great responsibility” – really didn’t help matters. It only made me nervous about taking on leadership roles, since I would then have even more responsibility piled on me.

I’m not exactly sure when the turning point came, but sometime between college and graduate school, I stopped shivering at the word “responsibility.” Maybe it’s because I heard it so often, or maybe it’s because I realized that responsibility isn’t always a scary thing. In fact, responsibility sometimes made things easier. Taking the reins and leading a group project – being responsible for your group members and the portion of work you were assigned to – is a lot easier than having everyone work on the exact same section.

And now that I’m in my second (yes, second! And final!) year of graduate school, I welcome responsibility with open arms.

I hear about responsibility a lot in my daily conversations: in school, at internship, and at home. As counselors, we have an ethical responsibility to our students to keep them safe. We have responsibilities to ourselves to make sure that we are healthy and well-rested. We have responsibilities to the schools we work at to ensure that we are helping the counseling department and learning everything we can. We have responsibilities to parents to make sure they know what is going on in their students’ lives.

During the past few days of my internship, I have realized that my supervisor views me as a responsible, dependable person, which is evidenced by the faith he is showing in me as a future counselor. Already, I have been talking individually with students, helping with scheduling, and volunteering to help teach a few classroom lessons. I am no longer just observing; now, I’m actually doing. It is fantastic learning all of these new things and knowing that my supervisor trusts me enough to let me do these things on my own.

In short, he expects more out of me. As do my parents. And my teachers. And, to be honest, I expect more out of myself. Now that I’m entering this final year, I know that if I push myself, I can be the best school counselor I can be. I have to embrace the power and the responsibility that comes with it. It’s the only way I can grow and change and really become an excellent counselor.

Responsibility? Bring it on.